I used to be skinny. Unless you knew me years ago, you may find it hard to believe that I was a petite young woman at one time who weighed in at about 108 pounds. It is actually quite difficult for me to sit down and look through old pictures of the skinny me as I glance over in the mirror and see a fat me looking through the pictures.
How did I get fat? I can give you all of the excuses in the world, some of them are legitimate explanations of how I gained weight. Medications being one of the top on the list (I gained approximately 100 pounds in a little over a year on just one of the medications I was prescribed). After gaining that much weight I wish I could say that I decided that I wanted to shed the pounds and get the old me back, but that isn’t what happened, more excuses started to arise. I found out I have PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) and I am insulin resistant, both hinder weight loss a great deal. So after that information, did I lose the weight that would help the condition get itself under control? No, instead I continued to gain weight, maxing out at my highest weight of around 245 lbs. On my 5 foot 3 frame, that is quite heavy.
I will admit it didn’t help anything to hear that “Dawn turned into a a fat dyke” when she used to be “skinny and hot”. I can still to this day hear those words. I cringe when others post pictures of the skinny me, or when people who didn’t know me when I was skinny look at my old pictures and accidentally let it slip “oh man you used to be hot”. That really hurts the ego, at the very least. But of course when they see the look on my face they will come back with a “but you are still cute”. Yeah but I’m not the hot skinny me anymore is all I am thinking in my head.
But there comes a point in life when you have to stop making excuses. You have to say “hey, fuck the world, I want to be skinny for me, because I will feel better about myself and the health benefits will follow”. You have to be ready to take on a quite difficult and daunting challenge. Losing a significant amount of weight takes more than just a diet, it takes an entire lifestyle change.
I have lost weight over the years from dieting, I even got myself back down to 160 a few years ago, but was not able to maintain that because I didn’t make a lifestyle change, I made a diet change for a temporary amount of time.
I was currently 212 pounds when I started my new journey of losing this weight for good, I am (as of 1-21-2011) down to 192.8 lbs and I am not dieting. I am changing my lifestyle. I am changing my eating habits, I am exercising and I am changing my body for ME. Not because the world wants me to, but because I want to. I want to feel proud of myself and happy in my own body, and that is something I will achieve in time as I continue my lifestyle change.
It is going to be quite the struggle at times, but I am prepared for that. I am lucky enough to have an incredible support system, my wife is embarking on this journey with me, I have supportive friends and family members to help keep me on track and hold me accountable. I am logging my food intake, utilizing the Wii fit and other Wii and Kinect games for exercising as well as the outside as it warms up.
I would like to join a gym, but it is a little out of my price range at the moment and I am scared that with my anxiety issues and living in my hometown again that I will run into those that knew the skinny me at the local gyms.
I have found some amazing resources online that I would like to share with my readers who also may be embarking upon this journey as well, I would like to share the links that I have found helpful in hopes they may be able to help another person.
My Fitness Pal (MFP) <~~ This is the website I use to log my food intake and exercise log you can view my person food diary here. Feel free to add me as a friend if you join! If you only join one community to help in your journey this is the one that I would recommend.
Some other websites I utilize or find helpful:
Food and Recipe Websites
Online Weight Loss and Support Communities
This is just part one of my updates about my weight loss struggles, I apologize if some it doesn’t make sense, if it includes typos or other aspects that make it a bit of a collection of rambles and rants – these are just thoughts straight out of my head and typed out. These are a few more recent picture of me. In these I was approximately at my starting weight of 212.
These are a couple more pictures of me from this past week at my current weight of 192.8
To be continued… Keep on the lookout for Part Two.